I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
