My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
