y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
