We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
