you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
