We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
