Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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