You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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