It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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