We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
