you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
