Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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