dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When are your genitals available?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
