How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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