my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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