ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
