i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
