I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
