i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
