btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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