i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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