This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
