then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
