Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
