I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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