we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
