i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
