We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
