I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
