I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
