see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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