I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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