I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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