oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're like the curious george of whores
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
