Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
