This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
