Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
