you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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