she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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