Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
