My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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