Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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