I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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