i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
