Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
