Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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