I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
