if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
