Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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