I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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