First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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