she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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