She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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